Blowfish Poisoning?...it was bound to happen sometime

I've been saying it for years...ever since I first learned that Blowfish is considered a delicacy and can be lethal if prepared incorrectly. One day, an accident will happen. While I may not believe in the fact that we evolved from primates, I tend to agree with Darwin's theory that stupid things/people will eventually eliminate themselves from this earth out of their own retardedness. Case in point...

I happened across this article on my Internet homepage. The link is http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090127/ap_on_re_as/as_japan_blowfish_poisoning

I have a secret desire to want to be an writer for a show like "The Soup", except to write about news-worthy events that desperately need "duh-comments" injected into them to point out the completely obvious, Darwin Award-worthy idiots that grace the headlines. So, you may read the original article at the link above, or you can read the same article below, injected (in parentheses) with what I would actually have the news anchor say...out loud:


TOKYO – Blowfish testicles (uhm, how in the world can fish testicles be large enough to actually satisfy ANY appetite) prepared by an unauthorized chef (how exactly DOES one become "authorized" to cook testicles) sickened seven diners in northern Japan and three remained hospitalized Tuesday after eating the poisonous delicacy (does anyone else consider this an oxymoron?).

The (former) owner of the restaurant in Tsuruoka city, who is also the (former) chef, had no license to serve blowfish (but had a license to kill?...okay, that may have been a little cheesy) and was being questioned on suspicion of professional negligence, police official Yoshihito Iwase said (suspicion?...the guy had fish testicles dangling from his knife and people croaking in his store).

Blowfish, while extremely poisonous if not prepared properly, is considered a delicacy in Japan and is consumed by thrill-seeking gourmets (skydiving, hangliding, parasailing...that is thrill-seeking, not the consumption of fish nuts).

Iwase said the seven men ordered sashimi (bless you) and grilled blowfish testicles (grilled?...how do they not fall through onto the coals?) at the restaurant Monday night.
Shortly after, they developed limb paralysis and breathing trouble and started to lose consciousness — typical signs of blowfish poisoning — and were rushed to a hospital for treatment, Iwase said.

A 68-year-old diner remained hospitalized in critical condition with respiratory failure and two others, aged 55 and 69, were in serious condition, he said (OH!! That's why the eat fish balls...because they CAN'T skydive, hanglide, etc. anymore!)

"It's scary (isn't that the definition of "thrill-seeking"?). If you go to a decent-looking restaurant that serves fugu (bless you again), you would assume a cook has a proper fugu license (obviously, I mean, I always ask my Shogun cook if he can show his credentials prior to creating an onion volcano)," Iwase said, using the Japanese term for blowfish.

Blowfish poison, called tetrodotoxin, is nearly 100 times more poisonous than potassium cyanide, according to the Ishikawa Health Service Association. It can cause death within an hour and a half after consumption (yet they continue to "authorize" people to cook and serve it!).

Three people died and 44 others were sickened by blowfish poisoning in 2007 — most of them after catching the fish and cooking it at home — according to the Health Ministry (bet they weren't authorized either! They must have thought it was bass or trout or something).